Ever seen a monk on a bike?

I did, just yesterday! You see there’s a tube strike on in London at the moment and so the world and his wife (or monk) are trying to find other ways to get around town. As we have the delightful Boris Bike alot of people are choosing to use them. The sad fact is though that alot of these people show no road or bike sense at all so I thought I’d observe and complie a list of stupid, silly, outrageous things I’ve observed over the the week so let’s start with the monk on a bike…

1) Monk on a bike, robes flowing behind him almost getting caught up in the back wheel. Next time I’ll suggest he hitch his robes up & tuck them into his pants, that’s if he wears pants, not too sure what the monk rule on this would be?

2) Woman in a short skirt (I’m sure she was wearing pants but to he honest I didn’t look)

3) Woman wearing designer high heels – yes I looked, what can I say they were gorgeous but not on a bike.

4) Man wearing espadrilles – nuff said.

5) Lots of people NOT wearing helmets – seriously, if you’re not gonna wear a helmet don’t fall off in front of me, I do not want to be left on brain detail.

6) Man carrying a Tubor…or it could’ve been a french horn, I’m not really into brass instruments to be honest so it could’ve been either.

7) Man with long flowing locks & and even longer flowing beard. Nothing wrong with this apart from the fact that I really wanted to shout ‘Quick, look busy Jesus is coming!’

8) Man in flip flops – I’m saying nothing apart from road rash, no toe nails = ouch!

9) Pedestrians not looking – fine, go ahead, walk out into the road without looking to see if I’m charging along on my bike!

10) Bike users randomly stopping…without checking to see if anyone is behind them – that was interesting

11) Bike users turning left or right without indicating, just drifting along in thier own little world completely oblivious as to what’s going on around them.

12) Woman with a mobile phone held to her ear by a headscarf having a conversation whilst cycling – I kid you not!

13) People, just loads of people cycling along with ear phones on listening to music.  That’s 20% of your senses lost, gone, vamoosh! Good Luck.

14) Trying to text/read a text…whilst cycling.  I’m saying nothing.

15) A lady on a Pashley wobbling along in the middle of the road in rush hour wearing a straw hat, linen dress, & strappy Sandels.

A particular favourite of mine were dapper gents in their designer suits & Italian brogues huffing & puffing whilst trying to cycle through the rush hour traffic, a slight glow to their red faces.

Training on a Boris Bike…

So a funny thing happened to me at my club swim last week. My coach was asking questions about my ride across London to get to work, How long was it? 25 mins roughly. Was it up or down hill? It’s flat mainly but sloping down in the morning & up in the evening. Could I extend it at all to say 40 minutes? Really? Have you ever ridden a Boris Bike?

For the uninitiated amongst you a Boris Bike is 23 kg of pure bike hell. There’s no lightweight frame, Shimano group set or aero dynamic anything it’s just a lump of steel with two wheels and three heavy gears.  The bike has two speeds, dead slow & stop.  Even going up a slight incline can prove challenging. The only time I manage to every get any pace up is when I’m coasting down hill.

I look on in envy to the regular riders on their lightweight frames delicately dancing on their pedals at red lights (yes, some do actually stop!), couriers whizzing past me laden down with packages on their colour coordinated fixies, commuters on their dodgy old hybrids & mountain bikes even the bloke on his fold-up Brompton with his Aero helmet (yes, really!). It is rare that I over take anyone and if I do then it really is a hand punching the air, Tour de France sprint finish kinda moment…in my head.

So I find out that Coach Musty is considering using my journey too & from work as part of my training plan. This sounds interesting…I’ve yet to find out how but if this means that I get more cycling in over the winter months then who am I to complain.  So planning ahead I’m already thinking about possible longer routes I can investigate. I know I’m hoping to swim in the Serpentine come summer so this can be a destination to aim for.  It would also be good to investigate other parts of London that I don’t know so well.  Also there are some great parks that I can ‘whizz’ round at some point or maybe a bit of interval training inbetween traffic lights.  I’m sure they’ll be more than enough to discover over the coming months.

This all sounds great but I have a firm suspicion that given the weight & difficulty of the bikes I’m gonna end up with thighs the size of Mark Cavendish which is no bad thing if you’re a bloke, but for a woman…